Don’t worry world, I feel your pain
So anxiety feeds on depression. Depression feeds on anxiety. Such a circle isn’t to escape. I’m sick and tired of looking through the window.
The lull before the storm, then the storm, then the calm after it. But what if this calm is the lull before the next storm?
What I’m up against is out of my reach. I try to stick to my guns and hold my ground but I can’t help crumbling from time to time. I’m like an ice wall, able to properly hold out, albeit destined to be melted down every time. The first rule is to know your enemy. But after all this time, I still have no clue as to its motivation.
How charming, yet how unspeakably arrogant.
Unquenchable thirst for calm
What to do… What to do. Through life, we encounter many psychological barriers, most of which we know how to knock down in advance. However, what if no matter how much thought you put into it you couldn’t find a single way around? I’m at a loss. It all might as well burn out.
As the days go by I think more and more about taking up yoga. I’m not sure whether or not I’ll be able to clear up my mind but it definitely is something I require. I might as well give it a go then. Especially now that my mind sometimes feels like it’s about to burst. What an unpleasant feeling, to not be able to know what’s behind the shadows on my mind.
Fate or chance? Are we mere puppets whose future is pre-ordained or is there no such thing as pre-determined information?
I think it’s safe to say this will never be solved. Hence, it means we have to pick sides. Rumor has it people have a higher tendency to think things are meant to be. However, I just can’t bring myself to accept that.
Even though our universe is likely to have underlying mathematical strings which control its behaviour, I refuse to believe our actions, thoughts and feelings as human beings are also controlled by some kind of abstract concept known as destiny. The problem lies in the impossibility of proving our choice right or wrong, for it’s not a mistery we’re able to unravel. That’s why I always stick by the side of reason, since faith isn’t something I can’t force myself to have.
If I were to believe in fate, I’d always be wondering how much of a coward am I, as in my opinion, fate is the excuse for the cowardly to not face danger.
No source of inner problems equals comparing oneself to others. Just reflect on how dangerous it is. Envy, frustration and hatred spring right from it. How on earth are we going to ever feel satisfied with ourselves if we keep on giving rise to such a monster. It is somehow inevitable at times, though. Only by sticking to our principles will we stay human and keep negativity away. Let’s be clever, just because something pops into our head, doesn’t mean we have to show it.
I wished you well as you cut me down