What I’m up against is out of my reach. I try to stick to my guns and hold my ground but I can’t help crumbling from time to time. I’m like an ice wall, able to properly hold out, albeit destined to be melted down every time. The first rule is to know your enemy. But after all this time, I still have no clue as to its motivation.
As the days go by I think more and more about taking up yoga. I’m not sure whether or not I’ll be able to clear up my mind but it definitely is something I require. I might as well give it a go then. Especially now that my mind sometimes feels like it’s about to burst. What an unpleasant feeling, to not be able to know what’s behind the shadows on my mind.
No source of inner problems equals comparing oneself to others. Just reflect on how dangerous it is. Envy, frustration and hatred spring right from it. How on earth are we going to ever feel satisfied with ourselves if we keep on giving rise to such a monster. It is somehow inevitable at times, though. Only by sticking to our principles will we stay human and keep negativity away. Let’s be clever, just because something pops into our head, doesn’t mean we have to show it.
Everything’s clear now. The story repeats itself. This time, it’s harder though. We all know what rejection is. We all know what we feel when we have to forget about that special person we feel such great things towards. I’ve been there. Nonetheless, isn’t it harder when you’ve got so much in common? When they’re the only person you know that could fill the void within yourself? Indeed. But now, it’s time to move on. I guess.
I don’t think I’m ready for it to be over. Chances are I’ll be beating myself up over it until the very end. But before that end, I need answers. I need to quell this feeling of uncertainty. My wish is only for my mind to be at peace.
Whenever I come across an opening, it appears to just be the lull before the storm, again. I’ve learned every lesson I had to learn, but what is left then? I now cherish every little thing. I guess this isn’t but more evidence proving fate doesn’t exist. But be careful, for hope is the last thing I am to lose. I’m waiting for the calm after the storm.
The more I learn, the more I realize we’re nothing but mere star dust. And however insignificant we are in the universe, we’ve managed to create our world of chaos. A quaint little space where we all live. Our brain developped to such an extent that we believed we were the center of everything.
Ever heard of the three humilliations of human history? Firstly, Copernicus’ theory, which showed the Sun doesn’t revolve around the Earth. Consequently, we’re not the center of the universe. Secondly, Darwin’s ideas, which explained that we’re not the perfect image of a God, nor are we created by him. We are the result of a series of genetic mutations. And last but not least, Freud’s theory about the unconscious, showing ourselves as beings who are not in full control of our mind.
I never make the same mistake twice. I try not to, at least. On no account would I ever jump off the cliff again. Let’s do things right. Let’s fight back our tears on listening to the sound of a piano. Let’s rediscover ourselves every morning. Let’s draw smiles on people’s faces. Let’s hope for a world of kindness, reason and understanding. May the odds be ever in our favor.
Hypersensitivity. Emotions billowing up around you. Both sweet and painful.
You can certainly feel on top of the world when happy and full of the joys of spring when in love. Music becomes a part of you. The sound of an instrument can force you to fight back your tears. Kindness moves you.
You can also feel really miserable, as things are much more likely to affect you. Cunning may help, but you’re pretty vulnerable. Those with the right knowledge could easily bring you down.
Emotions get mixed up and life becomes the bumpiest roller coaster, full of ups and downs.
Things seem to be looking up. Even though there’s still a long way ahead of me and it looks uphill, it’s not as steep anymore. The tables seem to be turning. And I don’t usually say this, but this time I’m winning, by fair means or foul.